The USS Ethan Allen SSBN 608 was the first Fleet Ballistic Missile submarine (Boomer) designed from the keel up to be one. All of her predecessors were Fast Attack boats cut in half with a 100 foot missile compartment welded in between each end. These days she’s been sold for scrap and been made into razor blades, refrigerators, car parts and a host of other things, some of which are rusting in our land fills…but that is another story for another time.

When on patrol for between 90 to 120 days at a time there is not a lot to do in your spare time.

Aggressions and frustrations have to be resolved without resorting to physical violence. In a can of people that is 336’ long, 55’ tall and 33’wide (out side dimensions) there is no place to go to get away from any thing. Nondestructive mental violence is (however) permitted (though not officially encouraged), and on board a submarine one’s social status in the pecking order is earned by one’s skill at practical (?harmless?) jokes both by giving and taking. One soon leans to be careful on what and how much they give for so shall they receive.

The Toledo scale stood on the opposite side of the Launch Control Panel in the middle of the middle deck of the missile compartment (A.K.A. Sherwood Forest) in the middle of the submarine (+/- a few feet) on the passageway (isle) across from Doc’s office. Every member of the crew passed the scale many times a day, for 90 to 120 days at a time. In the beginning of patrol a crew member would weigh himself once or twice a week.

About two weeks before the Mid-Patrol Ball the level of sameness in environment was approaching the boredom point, and cabin fever was starting to take hold. It was at this point in time that two crew members on watch at the Launch Control Panel observed the scale was getting a lot of use. When ever a crew member walked near the scale he would stop and weigh himself.

It didn’t matter when he had weighed himself last.  It could have been moments ago or hours, but each time he came near the scale he weighed himself. These two asked them selves, "What would happen if you couldn’t get the scale to work for you, but it worked for everyone else?".  To find out - they first moved the scale, a few feet forward, over a small access plate in the deck, and left it alone for several days until the crew had adjusted to the new location. Then they removed the deck access plate (now under the scale) and attached a hook to the bottom of the platform you stand on and ran a string from the Launch Control Panel under the deck (through some pulleys) and attached the hook to it. An inspection mirror was placed (taped to a missile tube) such that they could see who was on the scale from the Launch Control Panel with out being observed by the victim. Then they waited… but not for long. When their first (test) victim stepped on the scale they pulled on the string, thus adding to the victim’s weight. The indicator on the scale went ‘BONK’ in the up position indicating weight counter balance must be moved to the right. After the counter weight has been moved too far…. The string was let go of. The scale went ‘BONK’ in the down position indicating too much weight has been added and weight counter balance must be moved to the left.

When the victim removed the weight they pulled the string and the scale went ‘BONK’. The process is repeated as long as necessary, until frustration caused the victim to give up, at which time one of the two pranksters walked quickly up to the scale and weighed him self, then depart while the victim was within viewing range of the weighing. The victim returns having witnessed a successful weighing, thinks to him self. "If he can do it so can I." and try’s again…’BONK’.

Several ‘BONKs’ later the victim checks the scale for balance and the pranksters do nothing while the scale is checked for zero. The victim steps on again ...’BONK’. In frustration a near-by object is grabbed and placed on the scale and successfully weighed while the unseen pranksters choke on silent laughter from the other side of Sherwood Forest. The scale works just fine. The victim sighs as the object is returned to its resting place and he once again steps on the scale...’BONK’. After several ‘BONKs’ the (test) victim departs in frustration.  Having discovered that the trick works, the pranksters put every crewmember’s name into a hat and pull them out in groups of 5, until every crew member (from the Captain to lowest Mess Cook) has a day assigned in which they can’t get the scale to work.

When a victim figures out the prank his name was removed from the list, and because the value of one-ups-man-ship is so great on board a submarine…. no one tells. After several weeks the prank is abandoned as most of the crew has either figured it out or has given up weighing them selves. It is time for a new prank must be found. The original setup is not removed or destroyed because after each patrol some of the crew are replaced and fresh victims became available. An that ain’t no…